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I have kept the secret for fourteen years.  I remember the exact day when I discovered that I was finally becoming physically what I had been becoming ontologically for the previous quarter-century : June 6, 2003; I was 66.  On Friday, the sixth day of the week in the sixth month of the year, I discovered that I incarnated the Beast of the Apocalypse, whose number is 666.

The first thing I noticed, in the shower at six minutes past six that morning, were the two tiny excroissances on my shoulders and the more visible ones on either side of my forehead.  But it was my feet that shocked me the most : they were turning into cloven hoofs !

It’s not easy to hide morphological modifications like these.  But I had time to get ready to adapt to what I could see would soon be the body of a demon.  My face and hands remained unchanged, though both bear the signs of the four score I now have behind me.  When I’m Home Alone, I kick off my oversized shoes and doff the crazy hat and cloak I wear in public.  When I’m writing a post for my Blog, I need to be comfortable . . .

This is not the sort of thing one brags about.  I mean for my family and (few) friends, it is hard enough obliging them to put up with my anti-social, public atheism.  They would keel over if they saw me in all my diabolical glory.

So why am I Coming Out like this now ?  The reason is simple.  I have written the above to string alone those arch-enemies of me and my Blog, who, reading this up to this point, have been rejoicing in this revelation of my true identity, which, be it said in passing, confirms what they have believed all along : a Franciscan priest could not morph into a militant atheist unless he were possessed by the Devil.  And if the Devil exists, then so does God.  Q.E.D.

Sorry, chaps, but the Devil, the Father of Lies, made me do it !  I have neither wings nor horns nor cloven hoofs.  I’m just an ordinary Joe, like you, who had the good fortune to discover forty years ago that the myths of the world’s religions are as outrageously incredible as the one I just invented.  On s’amuse comme on peut : people get their jollies in the weirdest ways.

RIDENDA      RELIGIO 

 

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