“Repeat after me : I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God”.
“I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help Me”.
“So help me GOD !”
“But I AM God ! I am who am ! You know, ” ‘ehyeh ‘aser ‘ehyeh”, ” YAHWEH ” ! Have you forgotten your Hebrew or what ?””
“You claim to be God, or as you say, “Yahweh”. That is precisely what we are here to decide. Let us examine the charges. How did you come to believe and affirm that you were God ?”
“Well, one day – it was a beautiful day. I never realized, in spite of My Divine Wisdom, how different it would be once I created light. Anyhow, one day I was walking in the Garden, when two of your minions – creatures of Mine, nasty types – grabbed Me by the toga and brought Me to the Eden Police Station”.
“What was the precise charge ?”
“Pretending to be God, Supreme Being, Creator of the Universe, the Alpha and the Omega, the . . .”.
“O.K., we get the picture. But what did you do to provoke the arrest ?”
“Well, it seems that some people believe that I do not exist. They say I am the fruit of wishful thinking, an aberration, an illusion, a Dawkins delusion – in short, a myth. Incognito, I had invited Myself to an international symposium on the subject of Atheism, and at question-time took the liberty of telling the atheist speakers Who I was, and asked them why they did not believe in Me. You would not believe the uproar ! All Hell broke loose !”
“You mean You were shouted down ?”
“Verily, verily ! Amen. I say to thee that thou hast said it ! You’re spot on, old chum, dead right, mate, on the ball, man !”
“And you continued to affirm Your Divinity, Your existence as God ?”
“Of course I did, you ignorant nit ! I could have annihilated all of them, as I could you right now, but being a God of Love, I still have a few scruples about the genocide I used to practise”.
“Divinely gracious of You ! Now just work us a miracle and you’re a free God”.
“O.K. How ’bout this ? See that Sun setting out there ? Well, by My divine power I will make it rise tomorrow morning at 7:46”.
The Sun rose at the stated time (as had already been announced on National Radio) and billions continued to believe that He Who is, is. And will be, forever and ever. Amen.